He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
