What a fucking waste of an outfit
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
