Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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