Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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