the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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