i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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