i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
