i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
