It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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