Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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