I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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