If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
