Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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