I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
