WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
