well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
