We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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