Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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