i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
