i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
