You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
