i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
where does the pee come out of this thing
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He shit in the fireplace
I think my moral compass just broke
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
