i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
