Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
