This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
