I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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