How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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