I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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