Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
