Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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