i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
