At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
