everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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