nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
