I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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