he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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