I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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