You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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