I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
