we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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