Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
