pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize