I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
