he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
