you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
