It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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