I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
