So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize