his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
