Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
