The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just found puke in my bra..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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