You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
