I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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