Whoa Z and x make the same sound
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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