Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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