my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
