i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
