I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This is the high leading the old right now
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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