Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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