new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
