How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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