it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
