If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
