How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she told me i tasted like america
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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