I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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