After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
