Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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