I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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